and the man I love and his family. Is there a better combination of things in life? I think not. Except for maybe if my family was there too – but I’m not complaining.

I woke up feeling like crap because of my food hangover from last night.  I felt sickly full still, so didn’t have breakfast.  Lunch was eggbeaters, a Morningstar Farms Italian sausage, tomatoes, and zucchini with laughing cow cheese and salsa:

Work was really boring today.  For an afternoon snack I had some cherries:

And then a peach.  Yep, still feeling fruity!

After my peach, my phone rings.  I was in a meeting so I didn’t pick it up, but I saw a voicemail and listened to it.  It was from Stephen’s father, and he was saying that they were going to come over in an hour for Stephen’s sister to bake this chocolate cake that I told her she could bake at my house.  Um… panic mode.  First of all, I’m totally in food hangover.  Still in my pjs, a huge mess.  My house is a disaster area.  Plus… although Stephen and his family chose to ignore the fact, it was the middle of the afternoon and I have a frickin full time job!  Sometimes I resent the fact that  because I work at home, Stephen seems to forget that I have a full-time job.  Sure, he’ll send his family over in the middle of the afternoon to bake a freakin cake.  Why not?  He doesn’t give a shit… he’s in his office in San Francisco over an hour away.  He hadn’t pinged me or anything all day to tell me that they were planning on coming over.  I couldn’t call his dad back because I was in a meeting, so I pinged Stephen and asked him to please call his parents and tell them that I wouldn’t be home in an hour.  And I thanked him for his stellar communication skills.  And then, I told him they could come over after 5:45, and I went to the gym.  I did 25 minutes on the stepmill, level 13.  Then I got on the elliptical, but for some reason my stomach started hurting sooo bad I had to stop.  I got some kind of horrible cramp.  I tried to sit down on the mat and wait it out, but it didn’t go away and I was in a hurry because I thought that Stephen’s family was coming over to my house.  So I just left, sad that I didn’t really finish my workout. 

However, as soon as I rushed home and took a shower, I finally got ahold of Stephen and it turns out his family bought a pan and wasn’t even coming over to bake anyways.  They were just going to do it at his house.  So, not only did I rush home for nothing and stress out for nothing… Now I totally felt really bad and guilty because for a whole week I told them that they could come over to my place to bake the cake and they ended up going out and buying the stuff anyways.  And then, still feeling shitty from the binge, I was invited (so of course had to go) over to their place for dinner, they were going to make us fondue.  Which made me feel even worse.

I went, though, and am glad that I did.  First of all, when I arrived they kept apologizing for this misunderstanding and kept saying “No hard feelings….”  It was so embarassing.  But eventually we got over that and I was really glad.  And then, it was dinner time!  After a little bit of chaos (Stephens parents brought over this fondue kit from Switzerland to make the fondue, started to make it, but then realized that they didn’t have one of the little flame thingies to put underneath.  So Stephen and I ran out to two stores and finally found one.  When we brought it home, his parents went to light it and… realized we didn’t have any matches or a lighter or anything.  Back to the store.)  we eventually had dinner.  And man, it was worth the wait.  We had fondue, made with genuine quality Switzerland cheese and sourdough bread.  This was the delicious bread and cheese before:

And during/after:

Maaaaan…. it was good!  Along with that, we had white wine and cantaloupe:

And then for dessert, we had the chocolate cake that Stephen’s sister made for us!

Yeah, it was basically incredible.  And I had had three glasses of wine at that point… so even if it wasn’t incredible I probably would have still eaten two slices….

I forgot to mention that I sort of had a breakdown in the grocery store while Stephen and I were looking for the little burning thingies.  Poor guy – I don’t know how he is able to handle me right now.  I’m PMSing for sure – TOM is next week – but my hormones have been going crazy anyways so my moods have just been up and down.  For some reason, something just hit me when we went out to buy the flame.  All of a sudden, I just felt so alone.  I love his family, but I realized in an instant how different they were from my family.  They all understand each other so well, of course, and I just felt like no one around understood me that way.  Stephen understands me, in a way.  Sometimes I feel like he really understands me and really gets me.  Other times, I feel like we are on completely different planets.  That was one of those completely-different-planet times.  So I just started to cry while we were waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store.  Yeah, it was greeeeeeeeat.

But overall, it was a great night.  It ended perfectly and really made me happy.  Man, I love good food and being with family – I am so thankful that, since my family is so far away, right now Stephen’s can be the next best thing in my life…

I don’t know what has been going on with me lately, I just have not been feeling like myself.  I had another crazy binge – that’s two in three days which is really bad.  I had been doing a lot better, so I’m not sure what is bringing this all on.  I do think that my hormones are really out of wack, though.  As I mentioned in my last post, there is something really weird going on with my period – even though I am on the same pill I have been on for years it is coming every two weeks and is very irregular.  I’ve been having mood swings and been having weird cravings and I’m sure that is contributing to my more frequent binging.  Today I went and had the blood tests done for my thyroid, so hopefully I will get those results soon to see if that is the problem.  If not, I’m not sure what is next – will have to get with my doctor to figure it out.  If so, I guess I still have to get with my doctor and go on some kind of thyroid medication.  Either way, kinda sucks.

And today kinda sucked.  First thing, I woke up and came home for my first meeting.  While I was in the meeting, I did my genius move of the day – I burnt the crap out of my hand.  Let me explain.  Usually, I make my coffee in the evening – I make two servings so there is enough for my cup in the morning.  Then, in the morning, I just pour it out, add my milk and sugar, and heat it up.  Voila.  Some people don’t know how I can stand to drink day-old coffee, but it doesn’t bother me one bit and I have been doing it for years so I am pretty much on autopilot.  Pour, add milk and sugar, stick it in the microwave for exactly 4 minutes.  Last night, however, I was at Stephen’s so I didn’t make my coffee in the evening like I usually do.  So this morning I made the coffee fresh.  Then, not thinking about it, I poured it in my mug, added my milk and stuck it in the microwave for 4 minutes.  Except since I had just brewed it, it was already piping hot.  So it started boiling over in the microwave.  It took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on – it was still pretty early, I was out of it, and I just smelled coffee really strongly.  When I realized, I opened the microwave door and saw the mess.  I grabbed the mug (which was half empty now since a lot of the coffee boiled out of the cup into the microwave) and quickly carried it over to the sink to pour what was left in it out into another mug.  As I started pouring, there must have been an air bubble or something from the boiling because there was a “blip!” and all of a sudden scalding hot coffee was everywhere, including all over my left hand.  It hurt soooooo bad.  I ran it immediately under cold water, and left it there for a long time.  The second I took it out I felt searing pain.  Then, I iced it for hours.  But still, any time anything touched it that was remotely warm – not even warm, but simply not cold – it hurt so bad.  Burns are so painful, it is unbelievable.

So I didn’t get that much done at work in the morning, with the combination of meetings and the fact that I could only type with one hand so it was very slow-going.  For breakfast, I had a bowl of fresh blueberries – I didn’t want to deal with anything even remotely heated:

Lunch was turkey salad:

In the afternoon, I had to go get the blood tests done.  When I got home, for snacks I had some Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal, cherries, and two peaches:

Then Stephen came over and we went for a run.  Just a quick 5 miler, we were both pretty tired and his quads and still really sore.  He’s going to die if he tries to do a long run this Sunday, I think.

I made a quick dinner, a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich, zucchini with laughing cow cheese and salsa, and Easy Mac.  Yep, it was an easy mac kind of day.  Well, technically it was Nutrisystem macaroni and cheese with beef, because I have some ancient cups to use up, but just as good.  Probably better because it has more protein

For dessert I had some Jelly Bellys and a frozen chocolate-covered banana:

After that I had a meeting for work and after the meeting is when my binge began.  But I won’t bore or bring you down with those details, I’ve done that to myself enough already.  Talk to you tomorrow, when I’m in a better mood.

I’m on a fruit kick and loving it.  I tend to go through various phases, where I decide that I really like some kind of food and eat it a lot, many different ways, for a while.  Usually they are pretty healthy things so I can’t complain – there have been yogurt kicks, cottage cheese kicks, oatmeal kicks, etc.  Not that I don’t eat these things at other times, it’s just that when I get on one of my kicks I tend to eat them nonstop for every meal or snack.  I have been finding some awesome prices on fruits that I really love, so have been stocking up and basically have become a frutaholic!  I love it!

For lunch I had a turkey salad:

And my afternoon snacks were yogurt with cherries:

and some strawberries and blueberries:

I am trying to replace my daily cereal snacks with healthier, more natural options.  I eat entirely too much cereal, and it often sets me up for binges I think.  Plus, although I generally eat healthy kinds (my favorite daily option is, as you know, Kashi GoLean mixed with Fiber One), it tends to make me bloated when I eat it a lot.  So I ate my last box and am trying to go without it for a while.

I wasn’t really feeling all that well today – mostly my fault because I had a pretty bad binge last night.  Went a little bit crazy, a whole (huge) box of Godiva chocolate, a box of cereal, nutella and peanut butter on crackers, granola bars and ice cream.  Blah.  I’ve been doing so much better with my binging lately that I’m not going to dwell on it – just went to sleep, moved on and started today new and healthy again.  But I feel horrible today.  I almost think that it’s good for me to binge occasionally because it reminds me of how absolutely terrible I feel and why it is so important for me to treat my body with respect and really make sure healthy things go into it.  I think there are several issues behind my binge – a few physical, as I am about to mention, and definitely a lot mental.

Mentally, it’s just ongoing.  There are the usual concerns, with work, the economy, financial issues (which… getting locked out of my house and having to pay $140 to get let back in did NOT help.)  I’m still getting a bit used to this serious relationship that I am in now, and I feel like every day it gets more and more serious.  Last weekend was a kicker, with the big final discussion about moving in together in September.  I think that, as much as I want it to happen, it is TOTALLY scary to me.  More on the pros and cons of that later.  We got through the stress of Boris and Natascha’s visit, but that was a tough time, and now his family is here which – as much as I love them – is also a bit of a stressor at times.  It certainly stresses me out because I put a lot of pressure on myself.  I really want them to like me, love me, and I want them to think that I am the best thing for their son.  I think that they do, but can never really be sure.  And if they do – I want to keep it that way!  I still have a whole three weeks to mess something up, haha. We get along really well and Stephen’s dad is always telling me that I am “part of the family” which (as much as it embarasses Stephen and his brother) I really love and it makes me feel special.  However, I get the feeling (and Stephen confirmed it) that his dad (and his mom too, in different ways) have treated all of his girlfriends this way.  Not because they are being fake, but because each time I think that they genuinely do like the girl and they really do want her to be part of the family and want to love the person who their son loves.  Knowing that does take away a lot of the “special” feeling that I get based on the way his parents treat me, but I can’t fault them for being so loving and supportive.  I guess that’s more of my own insecurity – I want to be the one, different from all the past girlfriends, the one that is going to be his future and is clearly the right one for him.  Mrs. Right, not just Mrs. Right Now, you know?

I also want his brother and sister to like me, and it’s really hard to tell with them because they are so different from me and don’t exactly show what they are thinking or feeling.  His brother is nice to me and I really enjoy talking to him because I think he’s smart and interesting and has a totally different perspective on things than I do.  But I kind of think that he thinks I am a typical American girl, kind of spoiled and sort of bitchy and material.  Of course, he probably thinks this about a lot of people because he is the opposite – completely organic, environmentally-friendly, and doesn’t care about material things.  All the clothes he wears are old hand-me-downs that used to be Stephens.  He walked into Costco, took one look around and walked back out.  He’s a vegetarian, used to be vegan and plans to become it again.  You know… basically does all the things I could never do (and honestly… don’t really want to do.)  I respect and admire him for that, and I want to hear more about his beliefs.  But I hope that he doesn’t dislike me for being different than him.

Stephen’s sister is just impossible to tell.  He says that she likes me, but she never speaks so I don’t know for sure.  I try to be nice to her and make her feel included, I ask her a lot of questions to try to get her engaged in a conversation but she only answers with “Yes”, “No”, or “I don’t know…” and trails off.  She does smile a lot, and she doesn’t seem unhappy – she just doesn’t say a word!  She and Stephen came over to my house over the weekend when the locksmith let me in, and Stephen went into the bathroom (and I must explain that he tends to stay in the bathroom for a half hour… no exaggeration.  Lord knows what the hell he does in there.)  So his sister and I were just standing outside.  I tried to talk to her, but just got one-word answers in return.  I offered food, drinks, TV… games… no response… just some smiling and nodding.  Eventually I started doing some stuff on my computer but felt bad because she was just standing there watching me.  I felt totally uncomfortable and had no idea if she felt the same way.  Finally I yelled at Stephen to come out of the bathroom and when he did I took him aside and explained to him that I thought she was uncomfortable.  We talked about it later and he said that she wasn’t… but that’s just the way she is.  I have no idea.  She likes to bake, and ever since I baked cookies the day his family and the Montana family came over to my house, she has wanted to bake this chocolate cake that she makes in Switzerland.  So I told her that she could come bake it at my house (Stephen has no pans or any baking supplies or anything.)  I thought that Stephen would come over too, but yesterday he told me that she will probably just come over by herself.  So I’m totally nervous for that.  It’s not that I don’t like her or don’t want her to come over – I totally do.  But I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or have her feel weird.

On the physical side:  I haven’t really felt like myself lately.  My stomach has been hurting and feeling bloated, and for the past few months I have been getting my period in the middle of the month even though I am on the pill (I have been on the same pill for years and have never had this issue before.)  Sorry if that was TMI.  I’ve also been super exhausted, although I will chalk that up to the fact that since I have been seeing Stephen my sleep patterns have significantly changed and the amount of sleep I am getting overall has gone WAY down.  I called my doctor yesterday, and she said the first thing she wanted to do was get some blood tests done to see if I was having some thyroid issues – it could be causing all the symptoms I mentioned.  So off to blood center tomorrow, boo.  Even though I really didn’t feel like it, I went to the gym and did 1/2 hour on the elliptical machine and 15 minutes on the recumbant bike.  I am totally sore from yesterday, because I actually did weights for the first time in a long time!  Go me!!!

And, of course, there is the fact that I just bought plane tickets to go to Switzerland for three weeks.  Am I excited?  Hell yeah!  I can’t wait!  But I’m also scared shitless.

Anyhow, with all of these things on my mind…  Stephen came over and I made dinner.  For him whole wheat penne with tomato sauce, meatballs and parmesan (with a salad) and for me a turkey and provolone sandwich, a slice of bread with peanut butter, and some zucchini slices with laughing cow cheese and salsa.  I also had a new Cinnabon bar that I bought at the grocery store today, they were on sale and I had a $1 off coupon!

And then… Jelly Belly JELLY BEANS!!!  Highlight of my day.

Finally we headed back to Stephen’s house where we met up with his parents, I did some work, and had another Cinnabon bar and an Atkins Smores bar:

I’m glad I’m sleeping with Stephen tonight.  As much as he snores and I complain I don’t get enough sleep and he hogs the covers and does freakin night aerobics… I hate to be without him.

Isn’t it bad when I feel like I need a weekend break after my weekend?  I thought so.  Today was insane.  Last night, starting at 8pm, I had a project deployment at work.  Which means I had to work starting at 8pm.  I thought that it would just take a couple of hours, but we ran into a few issues during the deployment so we didn’t actually finish everything (including testing) until 2am.  Stephen stayed at my place and, bless his heart, stayed up the entire time with me.  I kept telling him to go to bed, because we planned to do our long run in the morning and I knew that running in the morning would be hard enough for him with a full night’s sleep – it would be torture with just a few hours.  But he stayed awake.  The deployment, although it took longer than expected, was ultimately successful so I was a combination of happy, grumpy and exhausted when I fell into bed at 2am.

The alarm went off at 7:30 to give us 1/2 hour to get ready for our long run.  Quick breakfast (not even any coffee!  I always have coffee before long runs…) and we were out the door.  I was doing 10 miles and Stephen was doing 8, so he did the first two with me on the bike.  For me it wasn’t too hard, because 10 is down from the 12 I did last week.  But 8 miles was the most that Stephen has ever done in his life.  Plus it was morning, and he HATES exercising in the morning, plus he got 5 hours of sleep.  Poor baby.  He did it, although he said he felt like he was going to die at the end and when we got back to my house he literally had to sit for a while because everything was spinning.  And he was limping for the rest of the day, which was (and still is) my greatest concern.

Here’s the garmin for the run.

Although I was certainly tired, I felt pretty good after I was finished.  After Stephen recovered, we went to Barnes and Nobles to meet his family.  And, drumroll please…. I freaking locked myself out of my house AGAIN!  I had taken my house key off my key chain when we went on the run, and forgot to put it back on before we left the house for B&N.  This time, though, since I didn’t lock the house key in my car but rather in my house, AAA couldn’t help me.  So I had to call a locksmith.  He met me at my house – it literally took him two seconds to get in.  He put something in the lock and then hit it with this little hammer-like thing and POP!  the door just opened.  Kind of scary.  And for that two seconds of work, it cost $140!!!  I was so upset.  What a stupid, expensive mistake.  I gave Stephen my spare key so this never happens to me again.  I can’t believe it… twice in one week.  ARGHHHH!

I was starving by then and had a Fiber One bar and two Kashi bars!

After B&N we went to Costco.  I was already so exhausted, I kind of didn’t want to go, but I did anyways because Stephen really wanted me too.  I have a love/hate relationship with Costco – I think it is cool and love to look at things, but at the same time I get major sensory overload the second I walk into the place and I feel like I have an automatic headache.  And it is always sooo crowded and hard to even find a parking space before you enter the place.  But I never had a card, only went occasionally with other people, so it’s not that big of a deal.  While I was there, I got a huge container of Jelly Belly jelly beans, my FAVORITE!!!  I am so excited.  Too bad that will probably only last a week.

At costco, I ate a second Fiber One bar:

At the end of our shopping trip, Stephen went up to the front desk and had me added to his Costco membership.  So I got my own card… I am now officially a Costco member!  I don’t know whether to celebrate or to cry…  Then, we headed up to our old stomping grounds – Dave and Busters!!  The family wanted to do a little bit of shopping at the mall so we got something to eat quickly.  I had a Promax protein bar and another kashi granola bar.  I eat like nobody’s business after long runs…

For dinner at D&B I got a greek salad with shrimp.  It was delicious!

Then we played games.  I swear, I don’t know how I played a single game because I was literally sleep walking by then.  But I managed to beat everybody in basketball at least twice.  Here is a highlight pic of Stephen playing the bowling game:

Also, because I forgot to post it yesterday, here is a pic of Stephen and I at the priest party we went to yesterday.  Like my red orangey hair???

And finally, we left and the highlight of my day:  We bought our plane tickets to go to Switzerland!!!  It is official, we will be leaving on October 10th.  Lots to do before then, but I am so, so, so excited!  We talked about the trip with his family and made plans while I ate a bag of sour cream and onion soy chips, some oreos, and some of my new jelly beans.  We had fun with the jelly beans – I hate the root beer flavor but Stephen’s dad loves them so I tried to root through and pick them all out.  I made this huge pile of root beer, black licorice and banana jelly beans on the table – all the flavors I don’t like.  It was funny.  I think that I accidently weeded out a few cappuccino ones, because they look a lot like the root beer ones, but better safe than sorry.  I’d rather accidently leave out a cappuccino one than accidentally leave in a root beer

Now I’m off to bed, with dances of sugarplums and switzerland in my head.  Whew, what a day!!!

a priest who lives in Rome but is visiting his brothers in San Mateo?  Apparently… you call him Stephen.  Yes, today I met the man that Stephen (my boyfriend Stephen) was named after.  It is the priest who married his parents 26 years ago, and also baptized Stephen when he was a baby.  That priest, as I mentioned, now lives in Rome and works closely with the Catholic church.  Coincidentally, he was in town visiting his brothers at the same time that Stephen’s parents are in town, so he invited us to a get-together at his brother’s house.  We showed up in the afternoon to their house – a cute, old house on a small street barely wide enough for two cars to drive past eachother when there were cars parked on the side of the road.  Very quaint, with the catered party in the back yard.  A well-manicured place with beautiful rose bushes and trees, complete with flowers and ivy growing up the side of the house.  It looked like a story book house.

My morning started off well.  Friday evening I slept alone at my house because Stephen stayed in SF with his family for dinner and didn’t get home until late.  We met at Barnes and Nobles this morning at 10:45 for our weekly ritual.  It wasn’t as nice waking up together and going together… wasn’t exactly our ritual, but it was still great.  And, this morning, we talked the whole time.  I didn’t even read any of my magazines.  What did we talk about?  We talked about moving in together.  Stephen’s lease is up at the end of September, and I think he is going to move into my house with me.  Is this a big step?  Yes, for me it’s huge.  Part of the problem is that I know it’s not nearly as big of a step for him.  But I have to decide to either accept that and be ok with it, or not accept it and tell him to get another apartment.  And that doesn’t really make sense when I look at our relationship and the big picture.  More on that in a bit.

For breakfast, along with my Starbucks coffee, I took some homemade protein cottage-cheese cheesecake:

I don’t think that I ever shared my recipe for this.  Here it is:

High-protein cottage cheese cheesecake:

2 cups cottage cheese (I use nonfat)

4 oz fat free cream cheese

1/4 cup eggbeaters

2 egg whites

splenda/sweetener to taste

1 tsp vanilla

1 scoop (approx 1 oz) protein powder

Blend all together in the blender until smooth.  Pour into a sprayed pan – I have used pie pans, 8×8″ square pans (if doubling the recipe), loaf pans, etc.  Bake for approximately 50 minutes at 325 degrees.  You can eat it hot or cold, I prefer cold…

I also had a Fiber One oats and peanut butter granola bar.

Then we met up with Stephen’s parents and headed up to the priest party.  The food there was catered and delicious – I had some steamed lemon asparagus, some strawberries and some sashimi tuna salad:

For dinner, I had a turkey salad and a bag of cheddar popchips.  I also had another piece of the cottage cheese cheesecake, and some cocoa almonds:

I didn’t go to the gym today – it’s the first time in a long time that I can remember not getting any exercise.  I suppose I walked and was on my feet a great deal, but it still makes me feel crappy.  Oh well, hopefully it will save up my energy for the 10-mile run tomorrow morning!  My stomach has been hurting all evening, so Stephen and I are finishing up the night with some chamomile tea (in my Steelers mug, of course!)

My hair is orange.  Not really carrot orange… more like an I-tried-to-dye-my-hair-blonde-and-it-didn’t-really-work orange.  I should have known better, considering I have never really dyed my hair myself and I have heard nothing but horror stories from people who have tried to lighten it themselves at home.  But no… I didn’t listen.  Stephen likes blondes, so little old brunette me decided – hey, I’ll go blonde!  So, ignoring all my better instincts and trying to keep the bitterness from rising in the back of my throat by telling myself “This will be fun!  A new change!  Do something adventurous for once!” I bought blonde hair dye.  So, Tuesday afternoon I tried it.  My hair got a little bit lighter and a little bit redder… it seemed like quite a noticeable change to me but I didn’t love it.  But I didn’t tell Stephen that I did it, and when he came over after work he didn’t notice or say a word so I guess it wasn’t as noticeable to him.  The color dye I had used was a medium blonde – so I though (which seemed rational) that if medium blonde made it just a little bit lighter, than light blonde would make it noticeably lighter, right?  I had gone conservative with my first purchase, the medium, because I figured better to be not-light-enough than too light.  I could always lighten some more.  So I went to the store and bought light blonde dye.  And I’m afraid it was all downhill from there.

So now I have to figure out what to do with this pumpkin I call my head.   My options are:

1. Leave it as is (which I don’t really want to be an option.)
2. Try to dye it again myself (Then need to decide whether to try to bleach it lighter, dye it darker, etc.)
3. Suck it up and pay to get it done (Then I will have to find a place, since I’ve never even gotten my hair cut in CA, and pay a lot of money.)

The first thing that Stephen said when I told him that my hair was orange was, “Well, call the number on the box.  They must have a phone number that you can call for help when something like this happens.”  I totally laughed at him.  What did he think this was, a cereal box?  But sure enough, I looked on the box and there was a number to call for expertise and advice.  So I called it.  After basically telling me that I was an idiot and that someone with medium to light brown hair should NEVER use the light blonde color that I tried to use, and that I used completely the wrong blonde color because I needed one with “ash” undertones since my hair naturally has some red undertones, the woman actually gave me what I hope is some pretty good advice.  I need to get color #81, Vanilla Malt, which is a medium blonde with ash undertones.  She said this will get rid of the red.  I don’t think it will make my hair lighter, which is what I ultimately want, but right now I will settle for non-basketball-head.  So hopefully tomorrow I will be able to get the new color and de-orangify my hair.

Aside from that, today went ok.  I had breakfast, I had eggs scrambled with laughing cow cheese, which is always a good start.  With my coffee, of course.

Then my turkey salad for lunch, and cereal as a snack.  For my second afternoon snack, I finished off the Trader Joe’s sour cream and onion rice crisps along with an apple and some blueberries:

I worked for a little longer and then had a Pure Protein bar:

Then I picked up Stephen from the train station and we went for a run.  I changed around our marathon training schedule a little bit – rather than having really long runs once a week and ramping up the distance quickly while doing crosstraining and really short runs during the week, I am trying to spread the mileage more throughout the week.  We will still be doing the same number of miles per week – in fact, we will be doing slightly more – but I have been reading that this makes you less susceptible to injury which I am afraid of for both Stephen and myself.  Don’t get me wrong, we will still have long runs.  Just not quite as many and not so so far in advance of the marathon.  So tonight we ran six miles.  The garmin results are posted here:

6 miler

It was a good run, perfect running weather and neither of us had any aches and pains.  Although Stephen was a little sore before the run and super sore afterwards from his little bout with the stepmill on Monday.  Wimp.  Afterwards we drove to his apartment, where his parents had been making us dinner!  They had the table all set up beautifully with dishes and even wine glasses (all of which they had bought that day, because Stephen didn’t have ANY of that in his house before they came!!!)  They had chips and dip, and a bunch of fruit  – these teeny bananas, peaches and fresh pineapple.   Then the main course was chicken curry with rice, and pita bread.  It was delicious and spicy (although I didn’t eat much rice because I don’t really like it.)

Hmm… as I posted these pictures I realized that the chicken curry is about the same color as my hair…….

And then my obligatory swiss chocolate for dessert, milk chocolate with hazelnuts   Yep… ate the whole bar.

For the second day in a row, I’m sorry to say, I skipped breakfast.  I had my coffee, but that’s it.  I’m already planning my breakfast for tomorrow so that it doesn’t happen again!  Lunch was a turkey salad.

I talked to my mom for a long time on the phone today.  I really miss my family, particularly with Stephen’s family being in town.  Right now, though, I’m a bit glad to be so far away.  The family is all up in arms because my cousin, who just graduated from high school last month, has announced that he will not be going to college.  I guess it’s hard to understand the impact of this unless you know about my family – they are really gung-ho about the importance of a good education (particularly my Grandma.)  They were very happy when I got my bachelors degree, and then my masters… but they were disappointed when I decided not to go another four years for my PhD at this time.  Yeah.  So my cousin’s decision, compounded with the reason behind it, has caused a little bit of a stir and the family drama is in the air.  The reason behind it?  He is in a band… and basically wants to be a rock star.  He thinks they are good (whether they are or not, I have no idea…) and that they can make it big.  Hey, I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade.  And for all I know, they could be the best band since the Beatles.  But in my opinion, he should go to college while having 13 year old girls drool over him and having 65 year-old women throw their bras and panties on stage at him.  He could even go for an online degree and study while on their pimped out tour bus or stretch hummer limo… which I’m sure is what will be driving them around in the near future.

Anyhow, back to reality and the wonderful job that I was able to get because of my education.  During break, I had my cereal as a snack (Kashi GoLean and Fiber One) and then finally tried those Popchips that I have heard so many people raving about.  I had the cheddar cheese flavor.  They were good, but I don’t think that they will replace my beloved soy chips in my regular rotation.

Stephen actually wanted to go to the gym with me today, so I waited for him to get back from work to go.  So we didn’t get there until after 7:30… so hard for me to work out at that time but I did it.  Although I was fairly annoyed… I really felt like doing the stepmill, but the gym was packed and there was only one stepmill machine open and Stephen stole it before I got out of the locker room.  Grrrrr!  So I did 1/2 hour on the elliptical and then by the time I was done the stepmill was free and I did 15 min on there.

We didn’t get home and have dinner until after 9 (double Grrrrr!) but I had veggies, egg whites and hummus platter, a turkey and provolone cheese sandwich and some sour cream and onion rice crisps from Trader Joe’s:

Finally, I went to Stephens to sleep and to get help to remove a stupid trojan that has infected my computer.  So to make myself feel better I had some delicious swiss chocolate before I went to bed!  This one was milk chocolate with mixed nuts and raisins in it.  Sooo good.  I was able to only eat half the bar, saved the other half for tomorrow.  Incredible self control!

A little while ago, I got an Apex Protein Cookie from 7-Eleven as a snack.  It was delicious!  I was thinking about buying a couple of boxes for on-the-go snacks, but they are really expensive.  Also, although they do have a good amount of protein for a cookie, they still aren’t exactly health food… 10g of sugar.  So what I would really like to do is find a good protein cookie recipe to make at home.  If anybody has one, please share it!  I would love to try it.

That’s what I think AAA stands for now.  Let me tell you about the bundle of drama that was my day today.  First of all, I woke up late for my first meeting.  It was at 6:30am, but I thought it was at 7am.  Luckily, I woke up at 6:15 because I wanted to put together some materials for the meeting… of course, I didn’t have time to because I discovered that it actually started at 6:30 at about 6:25.  So I hurriedly called into the meeting (which I was hosting) only to realize that my passcode had expired and I was not able to join as the moderator.  I was already late, and the rest of the team was already on the call.  I had to reset the passcode, then email out a new meeting invite with the new call-in information.  All the while, people were pinging me asking “Is the meeting still on???” and I had to tell each and every one of them to hang up and call back in to the new number that I had just sent out.  Oy vey.  So the meeting pretty much ended up starting at 7am anyways.  Only without any materials on my part, and with me already being exhausted and wanting to go back to sleep!

That being said, physically I was feeling a lot better than I expected.  I really thought I was going to be very sore today from the 12-mile run I did last night – but I’m not feeling any soreness at all.  I am very tired, but I think that is a combination of the insane weekend with all of the family (two families, actually), the 12-mile run, going to bed too late and getting up too early, and all the work I had and have to do.  I am a little annoyed because I was trying to look at the stats for my run last night, but my Garmin got reset in between the two sections (I think I reset it accidentally… I’m still getting used to my new 405 and the touch-screen functionality… hitting things by accident…) and so it registered the first 5 miles I did and the remaining 7 miles as two seperate runs.  Bummer!  I have been looking for a way to merge them, but haven’t been successful yet.  If anyone knows of a way to combine them into one run, please let me know!  Either in the software on my computer or in Garmin Connect – I tend to use them both.  Anyhow, I posted both runs on Garmin Connect:

12 miler part 1:  5 miles

12 miler part 2:  7 miles

So I’m proud of the run, even though I was slow.  I go back and forth between feeling really proud of myself and feeling really ashamed.  I’m proud because a year ago I couldn’t run a mile.  I couldn’t even get out of bed, having just had my surgery, and had to basically learn to walk and move again.  So being able to run, let alone run 12 miles, feels like a huge accomplishment.  However, there is that other side of me that remembers that two years ago I was just clocking off half and full marathons (at a much faster pace) and now am ecstatic to complete 12 miles.  Argh.  I am trying to focus on the first mindset.

I had so much going on at work that I didn’t have breakfast this morning (gulp…) I almost never miss breakfast, it makes me grumpy for the rest of the day.  Lunch was my customary turkey salad, I will spare you the pic, and then an afternoon snack of Kashi GoLean cereal mixed with Fiber One.  Then things got interesting.  In the morning, Stephen asked me if I would eat dinner with his family and the family from Montana, because the Montana family is leaving tomorrow so wanted to spend some last time with them before they left.  I said sure, and was trying to help come up with suggestions of where we could do.  The Montana family actually is trying to save money – throughout their trip here they have been trying to not spend too much.  They are already paying for their hotel and we went to Outback Steakhouse over the weekend and they paid for everyone – including me and Stephen and his family – even though there were more of us than them.  So I thought, why don’t I invite everyone over to my place for dinner tonight?  We could just pick up some pizzas or something at Safeway, get some drinks, and just hang out.  I never have really had more than two people over to my house at the same time, so I was kind of excited about the idea.  Stephen called his family and they thought it was a great idea, so plans were set for everybody to come over at 7pm.  That’s when it hit me and I started getting stressed.  My house was kind of a mess, and I have never had a party or anything…  I try my best but I am no Martha Stewart.  I thought this would not be too bad, though – I just needed to do some cleaning and would bake some cookies.  Everything else would be taken care of, as they would bring food, drink and themselves.

At around 2:30, I went to the gym (did 30 minutes on the elliptical – taking it easy after yesterday’s run) and to the store to pick up some butter and some other things to make the cookies (and some groceries for myself, including some completely unneccessary pringles and jello pudding cups, both of which were on sale.)  I came back to my house around 3:30, pulled my car into my garage, and went to get all of my bags out of the trunk.  And then… I locked my keys in the trunk.  So… I couldn’t get in my car, and I couldn’t get in my house.  I’m sitting outside, on my front porch, with my gym bag and 5 grocery bags and with 12 people coming over to my house in 3 1/2 hours.  The first thing I thought was, shit… I’m going to have to break a window.  I didn’t have a spare key anywhere, and of course Stephen had given his back (as had my neighbor) after I gave it to them to look after my cat while I was out of town.  All of a sudden, I remembered when I was younger (I think this really happened… maybe it didn’t and I am just remembering wrong at my old age of 26) that when we were locked out of our car a police officer was able to help us get in.  So, I called the police.  Actually… I called 911 because I didn’t have the phone number for the local police.  I told them that it wasn’t an emergency but I didn’t have the local police number, and explained the situation.  They told me that because of liability reasons, they were unable to help me and that I needed to call a locksmith or AAA.  Yes, AAA!  I totally had forgotten I had that… perfect!  So I called AAA.  The woman who answered my call was very nice and told me she was dispatching local assistance and that they would be there in about 20 minutes.  So I sat down and waited.  20 minutes went by and no one came… then my cell phone rang.  When I answered it, it was an automated call saying “There are delays in your area.  Assistance will arrive 20-30 minutes from now.”  Great.  So I sat and waited some more.  30 minutes later… no one had come.  My cell phone rang again:  “There are delays in your area.  Assistance will arrive 20-30 minutes from now.”  Are you freakin kidding me?  More waiting.  By this time, I had eaten an entire can of pringles and 2 jello pudding cups (without a spoon, no less.)  Still waiting.  And did I mention it was about 90 degrees, I was in disgustingly dirty gym clothes and had chocolate chips and butter melting in my grocery bags next to me?  And, oh yeah, I had 12 PEOPLE COMING OVER TO MY HOUSE AT 7PM???  I received the same automated phone call 4 TIMES.  At about 5:45pm, I was still sitting outside waiting for someone to come.  That’s when I broke down – I called Stephen, having a complete meltdown.  I didn’t stay on with him long, though, because I noticed my cell phone battery was on it’s last bar.  I was afraid it was going to die, and then the guy would call me when he arrived and I wouldn’t answer and he would LEAVE without letting me in!!!  After hanging up with Stephen, I realized that I literally live two doors down from a fire station.  So I walked down there, desperate, hoping that a friendly fireman would help me.  After all, they get cats out of trees, right?  Surely they could help a poor girl into her car?  Nope.  They looked at my tear-stained, sweaty, dirty face, apologized… and chuckled as I walked away.

Finally, help arrived and I got into my house at 6:15pm.  Approximately 45 minutes before everyone was to arrive.  Stephen showed up at about 6:20, as I was getting out of my warp-speed shower.  Bless his heart, he came with some drinks and freeze pops, thinking I was still outside on my porch.  He also asked the families to come at 7:30 to give me some extra time.  So I had time to get ready, clean up a bit, AND bake snickerdoodles and chocolate chip cookies!  They didn’t actually end up arriving until about 7:45… I was so thankful for once that they are always late!

They brought yummy organic pizzas from a pizzeria in Santa Cruz.  Three different kinds:  Greek, Pesto, and Italian Chicken (I forgot to take a picture of the greek…)

So… even typing it all again exhausts me.  But the evening went really well – everybody loved my house and had a great time.  And I can now officially say that I have had a get-together in my house!

I made it through this day.  And all it took was a can of pringles, a six-pack of jello pudding snacks, four slices of pizza, and 10 cookies.  Argh.  Healthy eating tomorrow for sure.

It’s been a few days since I have blogged, because things have been so insanely busy.  Last Thursday, I met Stephen’s family for the first time.  It’s funny, because I think this whole time I have been more excited for them to come visit than Stephen has.  He’s so weird when it comes to family… he says that he doesn’t really miss them even though they are thousands of miles away and on another continent.  My family is just on the other side of the country and I miss them like crazy.  He said that when he left to move to the US, his parents were crying – but he didn’t shed a tear or even feel that sad.  He does miss his sister (she is 16 years old and really idolizes him) but that’s about it.  That kind of makes me sad.  He’s a strange duck – he can be such a warm and loving person to me, but when it comes to other people and often to his family, he can be very cold.  It’s like he just wants and has room for one person in his life to be “that” person – the go-to person who gets to share his thoughts and emotions.  I’m happy, because I am that person, but at the same time I never really understood why he wasn’t like that with his family.

After a few days of seeing them together, though, I am starting to understand.  They are a very loving family – it is clear that they get along well most of the time and really mean a lot to each other and function well as a family unit.  However, the fundamental differences between Stephen and the rest of his family are impossible to miss.  Here is a brief rundown on the family:

• Big papa – Stephen’s father is probably the most “American” of the family, which is understandable since he is the only one who has lived in the US.  I have spent some time the past few days talking to him about the US and Switzerland, and he is able to see the bigger picture – what he sees as the “Swiss mentality”.  I think that he would be happy to move back to the US, but stays in Switzerland because of his wife and family.  He is very funny and outgoing, often being silly and always cracking jokes.  I really enjoy talking to him and spending time with him, he is fun and just a really nice guy.
• Lil mama – Stephen’s mother is more softspoken and sincere, although she definitely has a sense of humor as well.  She is very contemplative and always looks as though she is thinking about something.  She is very smart and very interesting to talk to, and I enjoy hearing her perspective on things  because it is totally different than mine and what I grew up with.  She provides the true Swiss way of thinking and explainations and helps me to understand.
• Lil sis – His sister is cute as a button.  As I mentioned before, she just adores Stephen and it is obvious the way she looks at him and interacts with him how much she looks up to him.  I love to watch it.  She is very quiet – I have barely heard her say two words since she got here, but she always has a huge smile on her face.  She speaks the least english of the family, although she understands it very well.  She has a really cool sense of style, wearing colors and patterns that are really unique.  And she is just so sweet.
• Lil bro – His brother is 21 years old, almost 22, and is unlike anyone I have ever met before.  He is extremely liberal and lives an “alternative lifestyle” – he lives in a housing place with 15 other people and they share the responsibilities and the cooking, etc.  Like a commune sort of (for lack of a better word.)  He is a vegetarian, only eats organic, is very concerned about the environment, and hates places like Safeway or fast food restaurants because of their policies, the way they treat their employees and the environment, etc.   He is one of those people who doesn’t really speak much, but when he does it is usually something really interesting or something you really want to hear.  I admire that a lot (because obviously I am NOT like that, ha!)

So that is the basic rundown.  But like I said, although Stephen gets along well with his family overall, it is clear that he is just completely different from them.  I don’t think that they quite understand his drive and his way of thinking.  For example, he cares a LOT about his work and his area of study.  But his family just doesn’t understand it.  When he tries to speak to them about it, it’s like they just don’t get it.  It’s not that they don’t care, because they obviously love him and care about what he does in his life.  But they just don’t get it.  There is this huge gap.  Stephen will often get excited about something or talk about something – he will say his statement and then sort of wait for a reply from them.  Anything… like, if it was my family I would expect some sort of confirmation from them if I told them something I was excited about.  Like my family would say “Cool!” or “I’m proud of you!” or would ask a question or for more detailed information.  But when he talked to his family about things, there is just sort of an awkward silence and then they say “ok….” and move on to the next topic.  It is very strange to me and in a way it makes me sad.  I think Stephen is really used to it, but it still disappoints him each time that it happens.  I think that kids (even grown up kids like Stephen and I) need that sort of support and confirmation from their parents – it is an inherent need, and no matter how old you are, and how convinced you are that you won’t outright get it, you still subconciously hope for it and look for it.

As a rundown of what has gone on the past few days:

Thursday:  His family arrived at SF airport.  They drove to his apartment, where I met them.  I brought over the gift basket that we made for his sister as a surprise, and she really liked it.  They gave me a lot of gifts, including a tank top, a bag, a t-shirt, a bottle of wine, and a huge box (I mean HUGE) of all different kinds of Swiss chocolate.  Can you see the smile on my face as I type that?  Then we went out to Applebees for dinner, where we shared appetizers of boneless buffalo chicken wings and mozzerella sticks but I tried to counteract the unhealthiness of that by ordering the Chili-lime chicken salad:

And of course, we went back home and I dug into my swiss chocolate for dessert!!

Friday:  I worked during the day and then worked during the night.  Stephen went to an Oakland A’s game with a family visiting from Montana (they are friends with his family and so they drove into town to see them while they are in the US.)  He picked me up on the way home and took me to his place to sleep.

Saturday:  As sometimes (ok… frequently…) happens in the night, Stephen started snoring like a champ.  I woke up to go to the bathroom and couldn’t fall back asleep afterwards, even with my earplugs in!   So, as I sometimes do in my half-asleep daze, I headed out to the couch to get away from the snore meister.  Except I forgot that his brother and sister were sleeping on air mattresses in the living room, so they were out there.  It was funny – they all pretended to be asleep when I came staggering out.  I quickly fell asleep on the couch and woke up at about 7:30am.  When I woke up, they were all standing around, looking concerned.  They had thought that Stephen and I must have had a big fight or something and I left the room angry to sleep on the couch.  When I explained that I actually do that once every couple weeks or so when his snoring is bad and I can’t get back to sleep, they thought it was hilarious.  So I was up really early, having breakfast and hanging out with his family while Stephen slept.  His brother and sister went down to the pool, and I just talked to his parents for an hour or so.  It was really nice – I learned a lot about them and really began to get to know them and feel comfortable.  I finally woke Stephen up around 9:45 (which he was NOT happy about) and we all had coffee together.  After that, we went to the mall where I got Subway for lunch, a 12-inch turkey sub:

We did some shopping, I finally got a Steelers superbowl shirt!  It was even on sale, 25% off!  And Stephen got a Steelers hat, the new one just released that the team will be wearing on the sidelines this year.  We met the other family, visiting from Montana, too.  We left the mall and I went to the gym with Stephen’s brother.  I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and 15 minutes on the bike.  Then we went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner, where I got the Ahi Tuna salad.  It is so delicious!  Kind of random, but… at Outback, we ran into my ex-boyfriend John, who happened to be there eating dinner with his girlfriend.  Remember him?  British soccer player who I went to Colorado with for Thanksgiving a year and a half ago?   A little awkward all around, but he was nice and it was good to see him.  I think that it made Stephen a little self-conscious, though.

Finally, today Stephen and I just had the day to ourselves.  His family went down to Santa Cruz, so we did our Barnes and Nobles ritual.  Then we went to the mall where I had another footlong turkey sub from Subway (I could eat Subway every single day!!!) and went to Dave and Busters.  Tonight we did our long run – I did 12 miles!  Stephen rode on the bike with me for the first 5, and then ran the last 7.  I was so exhausted before we even started the run – by the end I was absolutely dead.  But I feel so, so great and really proud of myself.  I am almost up to a half marathon again!

I am going to sleep like a rock tonight.  I can’t believe his family has only been here for three days, it absolutely feels like a lifetime.  This is going to be a loooooooooong month.

Tomorrow’s the day, let the hourly countdown begin.  The family (Stephens, not mine!) gets here at approximately 1700 tomorrow evening.  And I’m…. getting nervous.  Which I didn’t think I would be.  I’m good with families – parents usually love me.  And my house is still a mess… my plan to use tonight to clean it up didn’t exactly work out.  I told Stephen that I just wanted to do my own thing tonight – I wanted to clean my house and get a lot of sleep and I had my weekly development meeting at 9pm and another meeting at 6am tomorrow.  Plus he has an assignment for school he has to finish tonight, and I knew if we were together that 1.  He wouldn’t do it and 2.  We wouldn’t get any sleep.  So I’m on my own for tonight, which is kind of good.  I feel like I needed this.  However, I am strongly fighting the urge to eat every single thing in my house (and I have a LOT of food in my house right now.  Baaaaaad food, like cookies and chocolates.)  It’s amazing to me that I can be doing so great in the long term, but the second I have a night alone the old feelings come back and I just want to eat them away.  I will just keep telling myself that eating will NOT make this anxiety go away.  It will NOT make the loneliness go away.  And it sure as hell won’t clean my house for me.

So… what did I do today?  I woke up early and came back to my house, had a 7am meeting.  Breakfast was an eggbeater omelette with laughing cow cheese.   Also had my green tea and coffee.  Am I a creature of habit or what??

Lunch was a salad with turkey:

I realize these pictures aren’t the greatest, but my camera ran out of batteries and I don’t have any in the house.  So until I get a chance to go buy some, my blackberry camera is going to have to do

Snack before the gym was kashi and fiber one cereal, and two creamsicles:

Then I went to the gym.  I did 25 minutes on the elliptical with arms (I didn’t want to do the arms one, I hate it, but the regular ellipticals were all taken!) and 20 minutes on the recumbant bike (Random program, level 13.)  After gym had a snack of an apple and cereal:

I did some more work and then read for a while.  Right now I’m reading the book “The Story of Edgar Sawtelle” by David Wroblewski.  I’m enjoying it, I’m about 2/3 of the way through, although there are some parts that are a bit slow to me.  I love reading!  I am always looking for good book suggestions, if anyone has any.

For dinner I had another turkey salad (I’ll save you having to look at the picture of the exact same thing.)  And I had some meringue cookies and some Trader Joe’s nonfat frozen yogurt with probiotics.  Man, is that stuff GOOD!  I could easily eat the whole container, particularly on hot days like today.

Then I had my meeting, from 9 – 10:30 and did a little bit of studying.  And now I’m about to fall asleep on my computer.  Eating a quick snacky of cereal and then I am off to bed.  I bet you I won’t sleep that well, though – I really am thinking so much about tomorrow.  JB is happy that I am alone tonight, he gets to sleep with Mama!