I’m on a fruit kick and loving it.  I tend to go through various phases, where I decide that I really like some kind of food and eat it a lot, many different ways, for a while.  Usually they are pretty healthy things so I can’t complain – there have been yogurt kicks, cottage cheese kicks, oatmeal kicks, etc.  Not that I don’t eat these things at other times, it’s just that when I get on one of my kicks I tend to eat them nonstop for every meal or snack.  I have been finding some awesome prices on fruits that I really love, so have been stocking up and basically have become a frutaholic!  I love it!

For lunch I had a turkey salad:

And my afternoon snacks were yogurt with cherries:

and some strawberries and blueberries:

I am trying to replace my daily cereal snacks with healthier, more natural options.  I eat entirely too much cereal, and it often sets me up for binges I think.  Plus, although I generally eat healthy kinds (my favorite daily option is, as you know, Kashi GoLean mixed with Fiber One), it tends to make me bloated when I eat it a lot.  So I ate my last box and am trying to go without it for a while.

I wasn’t really feeling all that well today – mostly my fault because I had a pretty bad binge last night.  Went a little bit crazy, a whole (huge) box of Godiva chocolate, a box of cereal, nutella and peanut butter on crackers, granola bars and ice cream.  Blah.  I’ve been doing so much better with my binging lately that I’m not going to dwell on it – just went to sleep, moved on and started today new and healthy again.  But I feel horrible today.  I almost think that it’s good for me to binge occasionally because it reminds me of how absolutely terrible I feel and why it is so important for me to treat my body with respect and really make sure healthy things go into it.  I think there are several issues behind my binge – a few physical, as I am about to mention, and definitely a lot mental.

Mentally, it’s just ongoing.  There are the usual concerns, with work, the economy, financial issues (which… getting locked out of my house and having to pay $140 to get let back in did NOT help.)  I’m still getting a bit used to this serious relationship that I am in now, and I feel like every day it gets more and more serious.  Last weekend was a kicker, with the big final discussion about moving in together in September.  I think that, as much as I want it to happen, it is TOTALLY scary to me.  More on the pros and cons of that later.  We got through the stress of Boris and Natascha’s visit, but that was a tough time, and now his family is here which – as much as I love them – is also a bit of a stressor at times.  It certainly stresses me out because I put a lot of pressure on myself.  I really want them to like me, love me, and I want them to think that I am the best thing for their son.  I think that they do, but can never really be sure.  And if they do – I want to keep it that way!  I still have a whole three weeks to mess something up, haha. We get along really well and Stephen’s dad is always telling me that I am “part of the family” which (as much as it embarasses Stephen and his brother) I really love and it makes me feel special.  However, I get the feeling (and Stephen confirmed it) that his dad (and his mom too, in different ways) have treated all of his girlfriends this way.  Not because they are being fake, but because each time I think that they genuinely do like the girl and they really do want her to be part of the family and want to love the person who their son loves.  Knowing that does take away a lot of the “special” feeling that I get based on the way his parents treat me, but I can’t fault them for being so loving and supportive.  I guess that’s more of my own insecurity – I want to be the one, different from all the past girlfriends, the one that is going to be his future and is clearly the right one for him.  Mrs. Right, not just Mrs. Right Now, you know?

I also want his brother and sister to like me, and it’s really hard to tell with them because they are so different from me and don’t exactly show what they are thinking or feeling.  His brother is nice to me and I really enjoy talking to him because I think he’s smart and interesting and has a totally different perspective on things than I do.  But I kind of think that he thinks I am a typical American girl, kind of spoiled and sort of bitchy and material.  Of course, he probably thinks this about a lot of people because he is the opposite – completely organic, environmentally-friendly, and doesn’t care about material things.  All the clothes he wears are old hand-me-downs that used to be Stephens.  He walked into Costco, took one look around and walked back out.  He’s a vegetarian, used to be vegan and plans to become it again.  You know… basically does all the things I could never do (and honestly… don’t really want to do.)  I respect and admire him for that, and I want to hear more about his beliefs.  But I hope that he doesn’t dislike me for being different than him.

Stephen’s sister is just impossible to tell.  He says that she likes me, but she never speaks so I don’t know for sure.  I try to be nice to her and make her feel included, I ask her a lot of questions to try to get her engaged in a conversation but she only answers with “Yes”, “No”, or “I don’t know…” and trails off.  She does smile a lot, and she doesn’t seem unhappy – she just doesn’t say a word!  She and Stephen came over to my house over the weekend when the locksmith let me in, and Stephen went into the bathroom (and I must explain that he tends to stay in the bathroom for a half hour… no exaggeration.  Lord knows what the hell he does in there.)  So his sister and I were just standing outside.  I tried to talk to her, but just got one-word answers in return.  I offered food, drinks, TV… games… no response… just some smiling and nodding.  Eventually I started doing some stuff on my computer but felt bad because she was just standing there watching me.  I felt totally uncomfortable and had no idea if she felt the same way.  Finally I yelled at Stephen to come out of the bathroom and when he did I took him aside and explained to him that I thought she was uncomfortable.  We talked about it later and he said that she wasn’t… but that’s just the way she is.  I have no idea.  She likes to bake, and ever since I baked cookies the day his family and the Montana family came over to my house, she has wanted to bake this chocolate cake that she makes in Switzerland.  So I told her that she could come bake it at my house (Stephen has no pans or any baking supplies or anything.)  I thought that Stephen would come over too, but yesterday he told me that she will probably just come over by herself.  So I’m totally nervous for that.  It’s not that I don’t like her or don’t want her to come over – I totally do.  But I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or have her feel weird.

On the physical side:  I haven’t really felt like myself lately.  My stomach has been hurting and feeling bloated, and for the past few months I have been getting my period in the middle of the month even though I am on the pill (I have been on the same pill for years and have never had this issue before.)  Sorry if that was TMI.  I’ve also been super exhausted, although I will chalk that up to the fact that since I have been seeing Stephen my sleep patterns have significantly changed and the amount of sleep I am getting overall has gone WAY down.  I called my doctor yesterday, and she said the first thing she wanted to do was get some blood tests done to see if I was having some thyroid issues – it could be causing all the symptoms I mentioned.  So off to blood center tomorrow, boo.  Even though I really didn’t feel like it, I went to the gym and did 1/2 hour on the elliptical machine and 15 minutes on the recumbant bike.  I am totally sore from yesterday, because I actually did weights for the first time in a long time!  Go me!!!

And, of course, there is the fact that I just bought plane tickets to go to Switzerland for three weeks.  Am I excited?  Hell yeah!  I can’t wait!  But I’m also scared shitless.

Anyhow, with all of these things on my mind…  Stephen came over and I made dinner.  For him whole wheat penne with tomato sauce, meatballs and parmesan (with a salad) and for me a turkey and provolone sandwich, a slice of bread with peanut butter, and some zucchini slices with laughing cow cheese and salsa.  I also had a new Cinnabon bar that I bought at the grocery store today, they were on sale and I had a $1 off coupon!

And then… Jelly Belly JELLY BEANS!!!  Highlight of my day.

Finally we headed back to Stephen’s house where we met up with his parents, I did some work, and had another Cinnabon bar and an Atkins Smores bar:

I’m glad I’m sleeping with Stephen tonight.  As much as he snores and I complain I don’t get enough sleep and he hogs the covers and does freakin night aerobics… I hate to be without him.