I don’t know what has been going on with me recently.  I have been on a total emotional roller coaster… and am not quite sure of the exact reason why.

Last night I had a little bit of a meltdown.  I haven’t had a big binge in a while, but really late last night I went crazy with the ice cream.  There was about 3/4 of a half gallon of sugar cookie ice cream left… and I ate every single bit of it.  Out of the container.  With a spoon.  Which of course made me feel even worse, so I went to bed with a bellyache and a bad attitude.

The good news?  It didn’t lead me into a full-fledged binge as it would have before.  That is partially because of S – he literally came downstairs and took the spoon out of my hand and led me upstairs.  But that’s also because for some reason, I just didn’t want to do it.  I felt sick already and my “eat everything in the house because I already ate a container of ice cream” mentality just didn’t hit me.  As sick as I feel today, I am pretty proud of myself for that.  It makes me realize that I have come a long ways.

I wasn’t hungry when I woke up this morning, but forced myself to eat breakfast.  I didn’t want to not eat it and then be overly hungry later on.  Or feel like I could or should eat more later on because I didn’t eat breakfast.

A pear and french bread nutella sammy.

Lunch was a big salad with some of my flax seed crackers, turkey, cheese and veggies galore.

Mid-afternoon, I had some more ice cream as a snack.

This time, I polished off most of a pint of blueberry pomegranate ice cream.

Now I don’t have any more ice cream left in the house, thank goodness.  And I will NOT be buying more any time soon.

Then it was time for a date with Oprah and my treadmill.  I have been using my treadmill a lot more lately.  I think its for a combination of reasons:  1.  Because the crappy weather makes me not want to leave my house to go to the gym, 2.  Because the gym has been so completely packed, and 3.  Because work has been really busy so it has been hard for me to break away for long enough to go to the gym.

Today Rosie O’Donnell was on Oprah.  I find her really interesting, and enjoyed the show.  One thing that she said really resonated with me.  She was talking about this one time in the dressing room before a taping of “The View” when she absolutely screamed at Barbara Walters.  She let out all this anger and rage, and said some really hurtful things.  But the truth was, she was really hurt.  Barbara hadn’t come to her defense earlier, and it hurt Rosie’s feelings.  Rather than tell Barbara that she had hurt her feelings, though, Rosie just let out all this rage.  On Oprah, she said “If I was brave enough, I would have cried.”

That just hit me.  And it’s so true.  So often I mask my feelings of hurt, fear and insecurity with anger.  I don’t want to show my “weakness” so I lash out.  I tend to do this to S and my family a lot.  Isn’t that what we always do?  Attack those closest to us?  Funny how in that split instant, I perceive sadness or fear as weakness and try to show how strong I am by yelling or saying hurtful things.  But the truth is, that is weakness.  It takes true strength to show and express your feelings.

Anyhow….for dinner, I decided to make an easy chicken pot-pie.  S had never had one before, and I thought he would love it.  First I mixed up the innards.

I improvised a little, and used ham and sausage along with the chicken.  I combined the meat with frozen veggies and a can of cream of mushroom soup (plus 1/4 cup water and some spices.)

Then I put a pre-made refrigerated pie crust in a pie plate.

Spread in the meat and veggie mixture,

And put another pre-made crust on top.  Folded together the edges, cut some slits in the top for air, and pop it in the oven at 400 degrees.

After baking for 40 min, it was ready!

It was absolutely delicious.  And so quick and easy!  I would definitely recommend this recipe for a weekday night when you want something semi-homemade.

Dessert was cottage cheese cheesecake pudding with strawberries and cinnamon toast crunch.

Now it’s time for my weekly dose of Jack Bauer.  Surely he will make me feel better.