I’m a perfectionist.  And I tend to pick. 

I have a really good life.  But somehow I manage to find the things wrong with it (which of course, there are many, as there are for ALL lives) and pick at them.  And as much as I try not to do this, I just can’t seem to stop.

I have to say, I am getting better.  I am particularly bad about picking at relationships in my life.  Nobody in this world is perfect (and DEFINITELY NOT MYSELF!!)  I have always said that I am not looking for a perfect person.  I am looking for the person who is perfect for me.

But now I’m wondering, is that really what I am looking for?  Is that even possible?  Or, is it just a play on words?  If I say that there is no perfect person, that is because I believe it.  I believe that it is a person’s imperfections that make them special, beautiful and unique.  If everybody was perfect, we would all be the same and the world would be a very boring place.

That being said, if I believe that there is no perfect person, then it makes sense to also believe that there is no perfect person for me.  Because if nobody’s perfect, how can somebody be perfect for me?  There will always be something about the person that I am with that I don’t LOVE, things that I would prefer to be different, right?  But the key is loving them nonetheless – even if they aren’t the perfect person for me.  Either that, or the perfect person for me is actually imperfect for me, which is what makes our relationship special and unique.  Right? 

I’m thinking I am over-thinking this.

S and I are perfect for each other in many, many ways.  There are things about him I’m not especially wild about, and I know he feels the exact same way about me.  But it will ALWAYS be that way.  It has to be.  That’s life.  Life is messy and imperfect and BEAUTIFUL. 

Like our relationship.  It is beautiful.  And I have to remember that and the bigger picture, and not lose focus on that by only seeing the little imperfections I pick at.

I wish it was as easily said as done.

I also think that this “overthinking” and picking is part of the reason why I am an emotional eater.  When I eat, when I pick at food, it takes my mind off of picking at my relationship and other aspects of my life.  And it’s much more enjoyable to pick at food.  Except afterwards. 

So I did a lot of food picking today – I have basically picked apart my relationship the entire week and it has made my life miserable.

Breakfast was a bagel with nutella and some dried apricots.

Mid-morning I had a bowl of pumpkin oats.  I was freezing and hungry – these really hit the spot.

For lunch?  Two ham and turkey sammies with provolone cheese.

Pick-ity Pick Pick:  Mid-afternoon protein bar

And popcorn.  Popcorn is very good for picking.

Dinner was shrimp wonton soup with goldfish crackers,

Followed by Cottage cheese cheesecake pudding with Cinnamon Toast Cunch and grapes.

Before bed, I had another protein bar.

Does anybody else have this problem with picking at things?  Things that are seemingly great and perfect… almost having a compulsion where if something is so good, you just HAVE to find something wrong with it?  How do you deal with this?